Friday, January 14, 2011

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Another story gestalt

Hello everyone. After the holiday period we are again active. To start this year, we leave another experience, this time it is signed by Encarnacion.

My experience with the gestalt

My story is very confusing painful, hard, very hard.
Not all the blame I give to esoteric gestalt psychotherapy and psychotherapists. But they have had much to do with the dizzying pace of events, no doubt. The problem is, as always, weak people. And my ex-partner is very weak, and now I see how much.

What I write below is very long. But as I have left.

Now I've seen that psychotherapy has always been present in my life with my ex-partner.
I met him seven years ago. And then told me he had finished a gestalt therapy. I had never heard of it, but I gave more importance. For me it had gone to a psychologist, as a result of his many self-esteem issues caused by a psychological abusive father had crushed during childhood and adolescence. It is logical that if you suffer an abuse of this type seek professional help.
Over time, always said I had to go back, I had mood swings, going from a self-esteem bestial bestial apparent that it was actually a relapse, and that was when he missed Marisa, her psychotherapist .

For my part I had a "normal" life, a normal childhood and environment "normal." That is, I have not had any major problems as the rest of the people who surrounded me throughout my life. In that aspect has always been a gulf between us. Both in our relationships with our families and with friends.
One thing he did not understand until recently was reluctant at family gatherings with my family, friends, ect. For their part rarely took place and yet in my life were more or less present from time to time, which to me was normal. A dinner of sandwiches with friends, some beers on a Friday at twelve at home I'm not partying.
There were discussions at times: once again left with your friends? Back to your parents? I have to go home for "foo"? Always pulled me and had to argue how important it was for me. Moreover, it argued asked me to understand.
argue. Be coherent, consistent, do anything you would not want. Projections, compete. Assertiveness, be consistent, here and now.
My ex-partner that he hated what were taxes. If I comentarba "because you could go to find out about this" or "could go to this or that "all applications and most of them that I had thought of them as impositions.
now see the origin of these attitudes. Gestalt. Puta gestalt. Should not accept other than your own. Needless to say it, I met my ex-partner to the letter, especially since our son was born.

a year ago was unemployed, perhaps in part led to his dismissal because their work did not meet expectations it set. Leaving a job is not a crime, seeking new job opportunities is something that comes in handy when the change is also better. But when we are plunged into an economic crisis, things change. So not everything goes, and you swallow and swallow and atragantarte and endure because you have a mortgage to pay and the courtyard is not to jump for joy.
I supported him in everything. Took the floor because he said he did bullying work. Within a fortnight came a burofax with unfair dismissal. I until I leave work to be with him.
She took it like a vacation, we thought we would find work quickly, but today, a year and a month later, still unemployed.
Shortly after this happen, we were pregnant. A few months after this, his father died. I listened, I was with him, was with his mother, did everything I could within my means. But until recently reproached me that I was not up to it.

all rushed when our son was born that day, that moment.
imagine that a man is very heavy paternity. We feel it inside for months and is created from the first day of a bond between baby and mother.
But man is different. In the delivery room look like being two you become three.
For the mother is the greatest moment of your life. You look at your baby's eyes, he looks into your eyes and you're primed for an immeasurable love the rest of your life.
I remember when my baby was born I received from my former partner a kiss on the forehead. At that moment something inside me shuddered but did not want to give importance. My imagination. Too bad thought! But what goes, I was right.
Those days in the hospital I remember with a sense contradictory. I was finally with my baby but my partner did not bring me no flowers. Did not approach me, and was around the child in Golum plan with his treasure. This is a normal and common in men. It has been shown that there is postpartum depression in fathers. But something did not add up. Something told me there was more and that something had broken inside him.
My frustration came when the second night in the hospital asked me to be alone, would not one visit in the coming weeks, a topic with which I agreed, except that my parents and brothers (and yours, course), they had for me the label of visits. I forbade my mother to come, saying he needed his space and did not want anybody but we were not the three.
I had just given birth, and the truth is I spent crying all night, he approached me a kiss, a hug. Nothing but cold. Coldness and selfishness of thinking only of him. I had just given birth and had to think of it? Or think about me in my recovery and my baby?
did not hesitate. I told him I needed him but he needed the support of my family. Is physiological, in those moments is very important to a mother (until shortly after his therapist said so) and ask the mother of your child to do without it I think is very strong.
Case is that since our son was born our relationship was hell.
question everything, to put the pacifier to the child. He said that at birth he had changed, that the pregnancy would say yes to everything that did not take into account what he needed, but he realized that he too was important. That he was not a wimp.
to all this is added the fact that his family (mother and two sisters) gave almost no signs of life to come to help him, support him. Only gave support to encourage him to tell the hospital what he needed, ie isolate.
For my part I was so wrapped up, both in the immediate family as close friends.
Whenever we get worse, said he was not wanted, I did not want him, not wanting to be with him, who respected him, admired him no, that filled him and two months after birth Our son wanted to go to couples therapy gestalt. Not accept anything else, just gestalt. And with his psychotherapist. I agreed without knowing where I got. After two sessions with her, he "decided" to help us another therapist, a course she advised. And while she gave him a number of other psychotherapy sessions for me to do my part, because course, needed. I remember in one session she told my ex, "is that against the logic that she has can not do anything ...." I felt like I did something wrong for questioning, not to agree, and wonder aloud what's wrong with waiting to receive something from your partner. And she said no, you have to ask, in the couple always have to ask. And I thought that if I want to kiss my partner does I have to wait to be asked, I give. I understand that this is so. And they give you Das.
But oh !!!!! Now I know that the prayer of the gestalt says the opposite: "I'm not here to meet your expectations and your mine. If we agree it will be wonderful, if not, there is nothing to do. " If you look at that sentence, is incompatible with the couple as I understand it. Das, receive. What that sentence reads is pure selfishness.

psychotherapist With the second I started to mosques. The first meeting was merely to clarify the conditions. Of course not explain what it was gestalt therapy, and told me about the enneagram, or not named Claudio Naranjo was not a psychologist. Set the price of the session and that if we could not go a day we had to tell one week in advance and if not equally charged. I bit my tongue, because of course it was all black .... Thing that bothers me a lot. If I pay taxes and these people are not above requirements?

For my part I was on the defensive. Our economy was booming, and to me that affected me a lot, partly because he saw a waste of money on something we should be able to fix us because as a couple until then we had problems to go to therapy, but I saw that my ex-partner ; only saw a salvation for us, the gestalt.

In these sessions the truth is that we were ready saying what we did not like the other. And above all repeat phrases. "I want this" "I want this" "I want this." The therapist I was repeating phrases as if you were a parrot, as a punishment really learned writing a sentence on the board. As if it were autoconvezcas you that something is so and not as you thought, "You have to ask, you have to ask, you have to ask."

contestona I am very, very inquisitive, and more than one occasion I planted and gave my opinion on what they expose. Of course, my ex in all this was at his best, but very uncomfortable with my lack of diplomacy. When we arrived at the meeting, the psychotherapist you received with a smile, two kisses, all kindness, good vibes, take off your shoes to be more in touch with the earth. Incense bag in a room overlooking a courtyard, without ventilation, and where the heat was a couple of noses ... and on top you put a filled water bottle and horny.
The last session had it clear and I had not heard from my ex. The therapy I was serving, I saw something stupid and was increasingly fly on gestalt.Y were increasingly further apart. He said the therapy showed our differences and I had shit in the pants (sorry for the vocabulary, but he said it as is.)

That same week he left. And the phone told me: that is to be responsible, consistent, assertive. She kissed me in the morning, said he would spend the day out and hours later called me to tell me that he was to vary the pace, was consistent and took the decision to separate for the sake of our son.
Since then everything has been hell. Accusations, insults, throw things in the face. I am immature, I'm the one who sent it all to ruin, has realized that he does not want, say I've played with him, he is hateful, I do not support, does not hold me, I am disgusted.
Especially has realized here and now. When I started to find information online about this psychotherapy made my hair stand on end. I could not believe. The information found in ko left me for days. Then I started to find people who had the same problem. And today I'm still in shock when reading the stories of other people on this blog.
I've been sick for a long time, but without feeling I was solely responsible. There was something that I do not jibe, for months, and finally understood what had happened.
I'm cornered, I was unable to understand the father of my son who is into a nest of suckers who do courses and get to play with the heads of individuals citing personal growth.
My former partner was weak, I had seen him several times, but never thought enough to eat the head and left. But he is surrounded: the psychotherapist, his sister formed on the agenda of Claudio Naranjo, friends who do NLP. Never had could make him see reason, and the salvation of my relationship had happened to enter games gestalt psychotherapists, let me go, fool myself believing that my self is not mine, another, I'm not like I be, I have to divest myself of everything I learned to become a pure essence.
Life is much easier than that. Life is for living, not spend your time in chimeras to improve yourself. And that's the problem: the dissatisfaction of many lives that long for something that probably never will, but are willing to pay whatever it takes to get it. It sounds like Botox to wrinkles. The more the merrier I am, but when I leave back to the beginning and start again. Money and more money on something that is a mask that makes you happy, makes you feel better person because you think being yourself, but what you have done is to bury yourself and become another. And soon disappears that feeling of euphoria because you go back to being your true self, that you do not agree. But while you have to hand the botox injection you'll be fine, your face will change.

Personally I think this is a new sect that rather than take away domestic savings and take away the money paying courses and training courses and derivatives (such as therapeutic clown, family constellations, laughter therapy ...). And people believe it, and over believed that they work. And worst of all is the damage they do, they throw away what they had because they feel they are not doing well, which were not love, it was all a lie and they have created.
However, they also think that these therapies have the effect virus in people who are selfish, interested and weak. My ex-partner is, and now I've seen.
Now I just fight for my son, avoid at all costs that will target these stories in his head, and that really scares me.
I feel cheated, sad, helpless, deceived and beaten in the sweetest moment of my life. Of course, I no longer affect their psychotic outbreaks with insults included. Well, only sometimes. Ah! You've done your first year of clown.



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